Chapter Eight: A rollercoaster of low’s & high’s
One week after the women’s team training camp at the AIS, we all went to compete at the 1999 Australian Championships in Melbourne. Everyone who had attended the training camp performed dismally! We all did below our personal bests, a couple even bombed – raising some questions as to how effective the training camp was… perhaps we had all peaked too early or had overtrained?
I came 2nd to Meagan at the nationals. Again I suffered from bad nerves. I was so nervous before the competition that I dropped to 56kg, having to run to the toilet several times. Even a dose of Immodium couldn’t stop the frequent bouts of diarrhoea. When I finally got on the competition platform I was so weak and shaky it’s probably not surprising I didn’t perform well.
Flying down the same day I competed also didn’t help. I decided that I don’t perform well when travelling and competing the same day and vowed never to do this again. Actually, this was probably the start of my competition superstitions and rituals. After this competition I started to analyse the comp’s where I had gone well versus those where I hadn’t, to formulate plans for the next competition, from what I ate after weigh-in, to what I wore, even down to the lucky socks and undies.
At this competition, I also completely lost my head (focus) on the platform. The venue for this competition was a shopping centre at Knox City at its centre stage out in the open in the middle of the mall. I can recall looking up and seeing all the faces on upper levels looking down over the railings at us and hearing the noise from the shopping mall.
On one of my Clean & Jerks I also nearly passed out, when I caught the Clean too high in my throat and it cut off my windpipe. Afterwards, Luke yelled at me in the warm up room in front of everyone, causing a few raised eyebrows and proving what an arsehole he could be – as if I didn’t feel bad enough already.
So I ended up standing on the podium in 2nd place and Steve Kettner called out from the audience “Smile”! I felt crushed having been beaten by Meagan and clearly my face showed it!
Everyone commented later that it was a bad venue, but I was trying not to make excuses. I still believe if you are good enough, you should be able to focus enough to block any noise out and overcome any environment. This skill of being focussed became very important later in my weightlifting career as I reached new heights. Fortunately I was able to improve this skill enough to perform well at an outdoor competition at Brisbane’s SouthBank at the Nationals the following year, however at one of my most important competitions (the Sydney 2000 Olympics) a momentary lapse of concentration nearly did me in again.
Even though I had already qualified for the World Championships, they still had to formally select the team and I was worried this appalling performance at a major competition might cause them to doubt my ability and lead to them not selecting me. Luke always said it was important to do a good Total where it counted, in front of national selectors, and not at some ‘two bit’ club competition in your local gym.
Fortunately, after the 1999 nationals I was still selected for the World Championships, despite my abysmal performance in Melbourne. I think this was probably helped by the fact everyone else did so badly too.
I was elated at being selected for the World Championships but quickly this turned to another low, thanks to some severe trauma in my personal life. Basically Steve and I broke up and he moved out for about a month. I went through all the emotions from hurt to anger, self analysis, sleepless nights, lost weight, couldn’t train properly – all while I was supposed to be getting ready for the World Championships. Luke was very close to pulling me out of the team.
During this period as I was falling apart, one Wednesday afternoon I failed to turn up to training. By this time, I was regularly training with Meagan as my training partner and she used to catch a train up from Wollongong (at least an hour away) so we could train together. On this particular afternoon, when I failed to show up, as a punishment to me, Luke sent Meagan home just as she arrived from her long train journey. (You work out the logic). She had a good temper at the best of times so at this, she was absolutely livid! And Luke knew this would happen. When I found out, I thought she was going to kill me! Fortunately, she didn’t. We ended up sitting in a park the next afternoon, having a long philosophical conversation about my troubles and not only did this build our friendship but helped me deal with my situation. Plus, this story of Luke sending the training partner home, has become one of Luke’s legends that I hear he still threatens his present day lifters with.
I managed to pull my finger out just in time, waking up to myself. I realised I had to be responsible for myself, my own happiness and not rely on other people or relationships. I also realised though, the importance of not taking people for granted and how showing a little appreciation can mean a lot when you’re in a long term relationship. I had forgotten that I wasn’t the only one making sacrifices.
Fortunately, Steve and I managed shortly afterwards to work things out and get back together. Just in time for my next big test and another stepping stone on my path to the Olympics.
Coming up next – Chapter 9: My first ‘Green & Gold’ – at the World Championships in Athens